Recollections May Vary

The question I have been asking myself, since my return from London is…What happens when you have moved on from the past but the past has not moved on from you? It is the age-old question. When love ends, where does all the love go? My London days are for another blog but I always write from my heart and in the moment. 

In the heat of all break-ups there is always pain and anger but more so when you are the subject of infidelity and disingenuous behaviour from someone you have loved. So, I find myself back in my hometown, excited to be working hard and ready to begin the renovations on my new home. Having just spent time on my much-loved island, catching up with friends, enjoying the sunshine and exploring.

So, what does happen when the old collides with the new and you find yourself answering questions about an old love on a first date? I should say at this point that I wish my old love nothing but the best. However, our ‘recollection of events’ may vary and how can anyone move on when an ex-partner continually contacts you…even when you move cities they continue to tell everyone from your brother out for a beer to mutual friends that you are:

“Desperately lonely without him, have not supposedly dated another living soul for three years, cannot eat, sleep or function without his presence and will probably die alone.” 

This ex has turned up in every bar you’ve ever drank in, they’ve ran every route you’ve ever taken, stood on street corners when you’ve tried to leave your work and told anyone that would listen their side of the story, and they’ve told it well. I put this behaviour up there with the men who participate in the ‘group chats’ claiming to know you ‘better’ than they do. Is this behaviour about warning others off dating you or a reflection of their own insecurities? I know from chats with close friends, I am not alone in experiencing this. We’re touching loosely on cancel culture here but then again that’s a blog for another time.  

Luckily there are some relationships that end but friendship remains. Sadly, there are other relationships that end where it is simply not possible to keep the contact. You would like to check in on their wellbeing, know how their life is going and how their families are doing but some situations are better left alone, no matter what you do or say it will always be turned on you.  

I made the choice to remain single, spend time with friends old and new, focus on my career during what has been a very challenging global pandemic. I would also say that dating for dating’s sake is not for me (learnt that the hard way haha), it’s not that I’m looking for commitment on a first date or a knight in shining armour, but I am looking for an honest, loving and respectful relationship and I am very happy with the life I have built so can wait.

Over these last few months, I have felt very content in myself, loved exploring new work opportunities, catching up with friends for great food and drinks, walking all over London, living in the moment, dancing til’ the early hours, countless bottomless brunches, hard work and laughter, I even considered taking up skateboarding for beginners with my flatmate - I feel grateful for these life experiences.

I think there is no shame in past relationships, and everyone should take the lessons learned and love forward with them. I’m an open book, wear my heart on my sleeve and happy to chat about anything in the right context. I would always prefer if people got to know me for me, as I like to take people as I find them, because we are all constantly evolving, changing and maturing. We all have our own ways of dealing with things but the last year has taught me to do what is right for you while mindful of others feelings. In our generation there seems to be a little bit too much ‘intentionally’ hurting each other whether it be idle gossip, untruths, social media or the quagmire that is ‘dating apps’.

Don’t change how you love, try not worry about the outcome, look to the future, date when it feels right for you, don’t play games and but most certainly give all the love you have to those who make you happy. I believe true happiness and contentment is found by playing the long game, building your own foundations and life - not in the quick fix love.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say on behalf of us girlies… is that we are all actually ‘doing okay’. Just you keep swiping, sliding into those DM’s and telling the world how much we miss you. x