Remember Why You Started
Little did we know a year ago this week, would be the last week of life as we knew it. Twelve months of devastating loss for so many as the world stood still. Where do I begin, I always try writing honestly from the heart about my own experiences, my blog is an open space but I hadn’t felt like letting anyone in.
I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve, left myself vulnerable in the past but have found that by being open and honest with some it can lead to misinterpretation. To be honest, sometimes openly sharing your life doesn’t make you any happier and so I took a step back. In both challenging times or the legal breaks in ‘lockdown’, remember those times when you could drink a cocktail and meet up? We can all let our guard down. From the old flame professing undying love in front of all your friends to the man you once loved returning full of apology, we can all be tempted back the way. Everything has been heightened over the last twelve months, from worrying about work to panicking if I’d said the wrong thing to a friend or just feeling the need to text a few people and ‘check in’ when they’ve never so much as checked in on me.
Maybe I got the wake-up call I needed as everything seemed to be going backwards. The job I had loved and hoped to progress in was constantly being called into question during the pandemic, finally resulting in my redundancy in December. I had hoped that the constant assurances that if I continued to work hard and adapt during the pandemic my role would be safe, but it wasn’t to be. Eighteen months of turning up half an hour early every morning, staying late most nights, working from home most weekends and giving my all into working with some of Scotland’s best influencers, was gone. I was given one option to take on my Sisters role within the company but I couldn’t face doing that to my sister or to anyone else I had worked alongside who faced redundancy weeks before Christmas. It just didn’t sit right with me. Feeling devastated and sick with worry, I had no idea what lay ahead. I had to remind myself that what had seemed ‘would be the worst’ had happened. Three family members got COVID-19 and I had lost three jobs. I know I’m not alone that in one swoop everything changed for me, I know it changed for a lot of us.
The last couple of months have been a bit of a challenge but I know this doesn’t always translate to social media, I’ve really tried to keep my own account positive and creative. I found it helped me keep my routine, encouraged me to get dressed even when I didn’t feel like it, to take walks, enjoying discovering and supporting independent coffee shops because in some small way this provided a connection to the role I had lost. I took a breath and then sat for hours and weeks applying for numerous job roles, waking up to rejection after rejection or worse no response. In spite of trying to keep all of my daily rituals going, getting up at 6.30am, running on the treadmill, checking emails, going through the Whats App group chats, catching up with the news but slowly I was spending more and more time alone in my room. Some days it felt like the walls were closing in and again while I know I’m not alone in this I have felt too embarrassed to speak openly. Those close to me have seen me on my days where I seem ‘fine’ through to me crying while pouring the milk in my cuppa. As a person who feels everything so very deeply, it certainly has been a case of trying to remain hopeful while riding the waves. I was asked to write a piece for another blog called ‘Tell Me A Time’ and it couldn’t have come at a better time, it allowed me to find a little comfort in writing again, when I had really lost my confidence. I had shied away from talking about things, bottling up the pain of broken promises.
You can read the piece here: https://www.tellmeatime.com/blog
It has been a time to clear out the old, I stopped picking up contact with people I shouldn’t have and instead I started working really hard on my own well-being while bettering myself for the future of my career. Working on endless LinkedIn courses, studying and taking a full break from drinking and focusing on my training, February was a transformative month for me. As we head into spring I have now been granted what for me is the opportunity of a life time to work as the ‘Head of Social Media & Creative Content’ for a lovely marketing agency in London. It is a dream come true to have this company believe in my ability to help build their team as the world slowly begins to open back up. My days are filled getting to know the warmest, funniest, most inspiring team, interesting and varied clientele. It’s long hours with a lot to learn, but so rewarding already.
I’ll close in saying, don’t lose sight of who you are, what you stand for and the type of person you want to be. You can always change, adapt and achieve if you really put your mind to it. It has taken me a lot of strength, soul searching, positive affirmations and opening up to the advice of others to get here. I know it’s not been the easiest of times for many. Never be scared to take time to heal or look after your own heart, remember why you started, work hard and stay humble.
