Love, in simple terms.

If someone was to ask you what love meant to you how would you answer them? Would you say it was measured by the number of fights you’d never had? The length of years you’ve endured together through good times or bad or would you say love has no time limit and therefore is infinite.

Now the foundation of a good relationship comes from accepting a person for who they are, allowing them to grow while also respecting their opinions and supporting healthy boundaries but in my mind I wonder how often do women seek change in order to adapt for a man and their needs? While at times this is necessary in the ‘name of love’ and can be done in a way that makes both parties happy but what about when cracks start to show and you worry you may lose a part of yourself in the process or replace a part of you with them.

Sometimes, what concerns me is the way the initial ‘start’ it is acted on leading to complacency down the line. It’s as easy as an Instagram message, a follow, a like or a click and that real old fashioned courtship goes straight out the window from the onset. From there you are clawing at the efforts of trying to obtain some level of excitement in a relationship without overkilling the spark.

The longer you spend alone, the more peace you find and therefore adapting to this change can be not only daunting, overwhelming and equally exciting but there’s a part of you that has enjoyed the quiet time, the relaxation and the space to work on you for you. Sure, there have been dreadfully lonely days but in the thick of it all you can lay your head to rest at the end of the night without the anxiety of someone possibly leaving you, falling out of love with you or committing the ultimate betrayal, inevitably making you much stronger than you think.

Now comes the trust, it is essential this is built from the early days and it’s much easier to fall into this niche with some more than others, while they grow into friendships and others into lovers. So how do you build trust with someone you barely know? Do you play the long game and keep all your secrets hidden, worry about what may be, say you like their favourite band just to avoid offence, even though you hate them and probably would pass out if the album was on repeat? Or do you stick to your guns and your gut, following what feels right for you- sometimes this could be from the basis of being hurt before and you’re worried it may happen again.

How should you feel? Should you feel anxious, worried or concerned or should someone be able to build you up and complete you without any concern or the feeling you owe it back to them, if someone is putting doubt in your mind on how you should feel about your own self that says more about them than it does about you. Finding someone who is not only replacing the love you once had for another but also causing you to search deep within yourself may at times be more of a blessing than a curse as long as it’s healthy. 

 Now, we have all had our fair share of dates, hell maybe we’ve even made some mistakes along the way laughing so hard at the ultimate fails of the night, the highs and the lows, the good and the bad and it’s all part of growing. The majority of the time this is all part of the puzzle, with some parts that may not fit and that’s okay but hold out for the reassurance of one that cares and although they may not all be lovers some become friends, best friends in fact and that’s a whole lot more rewarding than a mediocre relationship.

I’ll finish in saying in a current world where we are all required to remain still, be at peace with yourself, be at peace with being alone and be confident love will find you, there is no room for seeking validation here.